In February 1995, the person who would become my high school best friend handed me a double-CD set. It was the 1987 Original Broadway Cast recording of Les Misérables. I didn’t think much of it at the time. We had bonded over the fact that we both enjoyed singing, but I had never seen a play or even listened to a musical theatre recording.
She was right. It blew my mind, and it changed my life in a way I never thought was possible. It turned me into a theatre brat. I am proud to say for nearly 20 years I have been very active in my local community theatres. My only hiatus was when I went away to university. Once I graduated, I came right back home, got a day job and got right back into theatre. My “rule” was one show a season, but I broke it every year. When Farmboy and I got married, the running joke in my Playbill biography was that the show was “my last one, promise.” It never was, and he totally knew it. My weekday evenings were filled with 4 hour rehearsals, and most of my Sunday afternoons too. I loved every minute of the adrenaline, anxiety and thrill that comes with live theatre.
Why am I telling you this? Because in late April 2013, I peed on a stick and at THAT moment my life changed forever in a way I had never thought possible. I was pregnant, and everything was about to change. For the better, I hoped.
Babbers was born at lightning speed (but that’s another post!) on December 23rd 2013, but that did not stop me from being in a show (Seussical the Musical!) all the way up to Week 18 of my pregnancy. Have you ever done chassé ball changes and jazz hands with a burgeoning baby bump whilst playing a bird onstage? Neither had I!
I knew I would have to take a hiatus from theatre, but I didn’t realize how hard it would hit me until a friend asked me to go out for coffee to help him find a way to change his natural accent (London British) into another (Quebecois).
Going out? After dinner? A laughable thought.
Farmboy is a long haul truck driver and is away during the week. So it’s me and Babbers from Sunday night until Friday afternoon (ish). My parents live nearby, but my mother is in New Zealand with my very pregnant sister for the summer. My dad was out of town this week for work. Dilemma. Obviously, I can go out, I’m not forbidden from leaving the house. But I’ve been sleep training Babbers so that he can fall asleep on his own. His sleep patterns have been erratic at best, and while I’m not in a hurry for him to sleep through the night (he was exclusively breast fed or, EBF for short until 6 months), I would like the evening to myself, since I spend the entire day alone with him, and am also responsible for all his night feeds, whether it’s one, or seven.
But then it dawned on me. The evening free to do what? I can’t put him to sleep and then leave. I am surely not going to take him out of his crib and bring him to Starbucks. Or anywhere for that matter! Am I bound to spend the rest of my leave, and indeed the rest of my evenings until my son can stay alone in my house waiting for my bed time? What kind of life did I sign up for? Did I think this through? Will Farmboy need a new job? Can I ask him to get a new job? But back to the immediate problem of the upcoming coffee date, what can I do? Is it lame to ask my friend to come over to my place because I don’t want to mess with my son’s sleep?
No. It isn’t lame. And although this particular friend has no kids, he completely understood, because he is a caring friend. The next night, friends wanted to take me out to dinner, and the same problem arose. They brought dinner to me.
What had I been worried about for weeks? Those that really care about me will not mind altering our plans if they really want to see me, and those that mind are probably not the kind of people I should be seeing anymore, since I’m not the kind of person to hold my beliefs any higher than other person’s, but I’m not going to bend my ideals to suit yours. If you can’t understand that a new mom treasures sleep like a Hollywood starlet prizes her handbags, then let me make it clear to you: If I owned a Chanel Diamond Forever Tote bag (retail $261 000), I would actually consider trading it in for the promise that my son would go down at the same time for naps and bed every day, and sleep soundly and consistently for as long as he needs to. Let me repeat: sleep is precious.
And yet I know I will risk it sometimes. There will be times where we will not be home in time for him to be in the tub by 7 and in bed sleeping by 7:30. And I will have to make my peace with that. But for now, I have decided to unapologetically ask people to come to me instead. Is it selfish? To some, maybe. But it’s my reality right now and my baby’s sleep comes first.
Besides, I have a Tassimo that makes lattes and cappuccinos just as well as any Starbucks barrista… ok not really, but at least I can have a hot beverage with friends, put on some music and talk about all the things we have going on.
So for now, going out after dinner is on hiatus, and participating in plays is not going to happen for some time. But I have a very thrilling production of my own going on: raising my baby. It’s a new chapter in my life that is just as anxiety-filled and thrilling as going out onstage in front of a live audience…
-Buttercup
Soapbox Sirens 
1 thought on “The Death of the Coffee Date”